When “Alone” Doesn’t Really Mean You’re Alone


I do a lot of things by myself.

Recently, I went by myself to a concert.  It felt like everyone was looking at me like they wanted to say “Oh, that poor lonely woman.”

I get it.  I would probably look at me the same way too.

But….I want everyone to know that I’m OK doing things by myself, for the most part.

For so many years, everything I did, everywhere (just about) I went, I had someone with me, whether it was a child, a husband, another family member, or friend.  There were times when I thought that doing something by myself meant that I was selfish.  There were other times when the thought of being by myself sounded scary and made me anxious.  And then other times when all I wanted to do was to take a one way flight to anywhere and disappear from the rest of the world.

Actually, I still kind of like that last idea.  But there’s no way I would leave my kids, even though they are grown.  I’m one of those “they’re still my babies!” type of moms.

Am I just getting used to this whole “solo” thing?  And if I am, is that a bad thing?

I think it depends on how you look at it.

When I think of sharing my life with someone again, day in and day out, that gives me anxiety more than being alone does.  I don’t know if I have the desire any more to be in a relationship where compromise is a daily requirement.  (OK, that does sound selfish…).


At my age, being single means being independent.  It means relying on one’s own abilities.  It means learning new things.  It means gaining self confidence through perseverance, meeting head-on any challenges and disappointments that pop up (and they will pop up).  It means renewal of one’s self, maybe in many different ways.

What it doesn’t mean is ostracizing yourself from the world.  That’s dangerous.  Societal history has proven this.  If you get too caught up in “you”, risks are high that you will lose someone important to you, maybe even yourself.

So, it’s important to keep a healthy perspective.  It’s OK to be comfortable being alone.  Just don’t get too comfortable.  Get out of your comfort zone frequently, staying in touch with your friends, socializing periodically.  Pursue new interests, such as art or writing or bike riding or wind surfing or whatever.  Living life in a vacuum isn’t living.

When I think about, I’m never really alone alone.  My thoughts are with me all the time.  (Sometimes my thoughts get on my nerves even more than other people do.)  So being alone, in my opinion, is relative to your perspective of the concept of “alone”.

What are your thoughts?









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