What I Didn’t Know I Was Missing

Today, I witnessed a beautiful thing between a husband and wife.  He acknowledged her publicly as amazing, wonderful, strong, and loving.  Fighting through his emotions, he pledged his love and respect for this woman.  There was no question that he truly, and with all his heart, loved and adored his wife.

Here come my own tears, as I realized at that very moment that this a concept of love that I have never ever known.

I’ve been married twice.  The first time was to my high school sweetheart at the ripe old age of 19.  I thought I knew love like this couple, but sadly, the marriage ended a short 1.5 years later.

Then, at the age of 25, I married my second husband.  We had 2 children together. Then, after 25 years, that marriage ended.

Then, I reconnected with my first husband.  We had another go at a relationship, which also ended with my heart broken – again.

I don’t want to go into all the details of each failed marriage or relationship, but I can tell you that in neither relationship did I feel any of the things mentioned above from either of my partners.

Seeing what I saw today, made me realize that I’ve never really known that deep, abiding love and respect and awe that so many other couples have for each other.


I don’t know.  I won’t be so bold as to claim complete innocence in the matter.  Maybe I never made either husband feel those things from me.  I guess I’ll never know.

Suffice it to say that I will no doubt be reminded from time to time that this is something I may never experience.  Yes, it makes me sad.  But if I let this realization consume me, it will diminish the joy of all the other wonderful blessings I have been given.

And I have been given many wonderful blessings…..

I guess my point here is that we never know when we will witness or experience something one day that will reveal a deficit in our own life that we didn’t know existed.   Hopefully, this is a phenomenon that very few will endure.  But, if it does happen, as it has to me today, it’s extremely important to understand and accept that you can’t change the past, but you CAN change the present and the future.

I choose to acknowledge this “love” deficiency in my life, and to move on in spite of it.  It doesn’t define me.  It has no bearing on any future relationship – except that now I will know true abiding love when I see it.



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